Ask and you shall.... keep asking?

Someone said something to me yesterday and since then,... I feel as if it sparked a thought that has been ringing in my ears all week. My friend recently went through some fairly significant life change and was commenting on prayer... he said some thing along the lines of how surprised he was of how much of his prayer life consists of asking God for stuff. He said that and at that moment it was like my world stopped. It was like one of those scenes in a movie when the camera all of a sudden does a quick zoom to a tight shot of my face and you can literally hear the wheels turning in my head! That comment shook me... it made me see a reality that I often turned my gaze from. 

I began to really think and process why this thought hit me to the core and then I realized it. I realized something i didn't want to realize. I realized my prayer life consists so much of me asking God for things that I fear that if I didn't ask for things,... I would have nothing to say. Complete and utter silence... probably uncomfortable and naked silence. Is my relationship with God really that shallow? Is my relationship with God like that of a stranger I meet at my table at a wedding reception... soaking with friendly greetings, pointless chatter and fake interest. Wow... I hate those conversations because they feel so phony and forced. I don't want my relationship with God to be like that... I want it to be so real that it hurts. 

So,... yesterday I decided I would spend this week in prayer but I wasn't allowed to ask God for anything. Our conversation could only consist of praise and silence. It was so difficult. I had to catch myself and stop... a lot.... in fact, more times than i'd like to admit. I told God during my morning drive that I would spend it in complete silence and try to hear what He had to say. A minute later a tractor trailer in front of me blew it's tire and almost hit me. I really don't know what that's supposed to mean. I haven't really drawn any conclusions about it yet, I know God is revealing a good work in me... i just don't have the eyes to see it yet, but I'm sure it will come in His time. Control is a hard thing to give up... but when you do... it changes your perspective and you start seeing things a little clearer!

P.S. You need to get the new Leeland CD....... incredible!