strengthening your senses

It's funny how at different times in your life,... some things just stand out. Some things are just easier to notice. It almost comes natural and there's no real way to explain why. Recently I have begin to notice the amount of emotion behind the human eyes. I have no idea why this all of a sudden has become something that triggers an alarm on my instinctual radar, but it's been happening more and more. It's amazing to me to see how much emotion can be expressed with a stabbing glare.

Just last week I was helping a friend of mine watch his kids and it astounded me how his little girl could relay loads of emotional information with just one uncomfortable glance. It was clear that this girl did not trust me and knew I wasn't her father. It was clear because I saw it in her eyes. This baby can't even talk yet but she said plenty with the look on her eyes.

A few days ago I went and spoke to a large group of students at a church. It was a blast. They were having a huge event that would last all night with great activities for students like ice skating, and a riverboat cruise. They had me come in and give a message about the saving grace of Jesus. I talked about how the world is messed up because we as humans are messed up. We choose to live a life of sin because it's easier than living the way we are meant to live. Then I began talking about the lies Satan whispers in our inner ear about how we will never be good enough, we won't measure up, there's no hope, and there's no point in trying to change. It was a message that I love to share because it's one that I wrestle with all of the time. Even after I spoke I began to hear Satan whisper in my ear, "you blew it, nobody was listening, that was a waste of your time, God's can't use you." He knows exactly what to say to cut you down and make you think you are incapable of anything good. Then I saw something that silenced the screams in my inner ear. I felt like all of a sudden I was under water or that I had lost my hearing and had to rely on strengthening my other senses to notice what would come next. Everything else went silent and I could hear this girl's eyes. It's like they were screaming for rescue. She walked up to me and she didn't have to say a word. I already knew.

Her eyes... seared that moment in my memory and I hope that it remains a scar. I never want to forget what her eyes shared with me. It seemed as if it was God himself telling me and the voices in my inner ear, "never underestimate me or what I'm capable of. I am bigger than you could ever possibly understand and nothing can stop my ferocious love." God speaks through anything and everything. The truths of our Savior are saturated in our everyday lives. God is trying to tell you something and sooner or later you are going to hear it in ways you couldn't imagine. Listen with your whole being and you will hear the message.

To Whom it May Concern,

There's no easy way to say this... so, i'm just going to say it. You have something of mine and I want it back. You took it a few years ago and I acted like I didn't care. In fact, I was so good at acting like I didn't care, that I actually convinced myself that I really didn't care. But the truth is... I did. I am beginning to realize how much the truth hurts. I feel like you robbed me of something that you had no right to take. The thing that kills me is that I just let you take it. I didn't even put up a fight. And now I walk around feeling incomplete. I feel like a ghost going through the motions of everyday life feeling a fraction of what I should be. And instead of seeking out what is rightfully mine... I let you consume my moments. All I can think about is how much you've wronged me... and how you can still smile while you cut me deeper. I carry this...everyday! I struggle with the weight of this every single step. Like a cinderblock is tied to my back, i'm slowed by the bitterness and pain that you've left me with... and you're not worth it. You don't deserve the amount of time I spend thinking about you. So,... I just wanted to let you know... that your reign is over. As difficult as it is for me to say and whether you care or not... I forgive you! Did you hear me???? I said,... I forgive you. And I mean it. I won't carry this weight any longer. The crazy thing is that this has helped me realize that i've always had the power to take back what you've taken. I just didn't put forth the effort. I gave you more strength than you ever had. So, i've taken it back and I will gaurd it and fight for it till my last breath. I found my peace.

Rob

battle of the words......

I am but one,

But I am one,

I cannot do everything,

But I can do something.

What I can do

I ought to do.

And what I ought to do,

With God's help,

I will do.

-Anonymous

I read this quote yesterday and it began to stir something deep in my soul. The words struck a chord inside me that I still feel reverberating in the quietness of this morning. This whole, "trying to figure out my next step in life" thing can be frustrating. It can be so easy to let your thoughts be drowned out by the great deceivers lies! "Do you really think YOU can make a difference? Come on,...who are you...you are just one person. You are weak!" The lies echo in my thoughts..."You're not good enough. I know you for who you really are... no one knows you like I know you." I get bruised and torn with each syllable "You aren't ready for this. Give up. What's the point? You're just going to fail just like the last time."

Man,... he knows just what to say doesn't he! He knows what will fracture us at the core. The more I talk to people the more I realize how brittle our hearts can be. One word can really do some damage. Especially if we think it to be true. We've all heard the saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" Well, whoever made that little ditty up is a liar. I mean come on! That's denial if I've ever heard it! Words freaking hurt! Words have the power to shatter dreams and chase away hope. Words are dangerous.

It would be too easy to stop there.... wouldn't it? But there is another side to words. Words can do a lot more. Words can also reveal plans and breath new hope. You see the difference? The deceiver's words are words that we give power to. The Father's words are words that give power to us. I give power to words that simply have no power at all. That's something we often forget. If we are willing to fight, we soon realize the kind of power that can come from a brittle heart.

Have you been giving power to words that simply have no power at all? Let this poem be your battle cry! I WILL DO!

Do your steps feel heavy?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone...one of those "let me just spill all of my junk out all over the table" conversations....and in the middle of the conversation, ...you realize that it brings you great joy? Not joy like "geez, i'm glad i'm not that messed up" or joy like " finally God gave him what was comin" ...but a different kind of joy. A joy that I believe is often undiscovered in this day and age where we keep to ourselves and look to the scarred lives of reality television as a model to justify our standard of living.

Today I had what I like to call an authentic conversation. I call it authentic because we didn't talk about the weather, the steelers, or even how much we are looking forward to seeing the season premiere of LOST....! It was authentic in the fact that my friends and I talked about the things that burdened our hearts. The very things that pulled and weighed on us to the point that our beings seemed to smear on the floor behind us. Now, typically these kinds of conversations would send me spiraling into a depression that only 14 hours of sleep, a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby, and at least 1 season of The Office could fix. But this time it was different. This time I found myself in the middle of the conversation having an overwhelming feeling of what I can only explain as pure joy! Joy? Now before you start judging me like a stylish male barista at Starbucks...give me a second to explain! As I sat there splattered with the stench of my friends' honesty...it gave me joy...because it made me realize that I am not alone. I bought into the lie that my junk separates me from the rest of the world. I began to believe that my junk was unique in the fact that it was...well, uglier than most. But we all have our junk...it may seem that others around us don't...but that's not true. They've just gotten really good at covering it up with their dark eyeliner, picture-perfect jump-shot, or big screen T.V. We all have our junk but we hide it. That's why I see the world hang it's head. The world sits with a slouch, because instead of sharing our burdens, we hold our breath, bite our tongue, and force a smile.

Today I experienced joy. I realized that I am not alone. I was reminded that I am surrounded by those who love me enough to ask about me instead of the weather. And it seems as though my footsteps got a lot less heavier! When was the last time you had an authentic conversation? When was the last time you spilled a little bit of your junk for the world to see?

for you......

well,... this is proving to be more difficult than i thought it would be. As I sit here drinking my extra bold starbucks italian roast from my new frech press, I can't help but search my mind of all the amazing memories i'm leaving with. The once-in-a-lifetime trips, the extreme laughing that made you sore the next morning, the eyes of the ones you were serving, and the conversations...man, the conversations. If there is anything I will miss the most...it's the conversations. Sitting knee to knee, eye to eye, and sharing stories. Stories of love and love lost. Stories of mountain top victories and rock bottom mistakes. Just stories...raw, unfiltered, this-is-the-way-it-is stories. I love those conversations! I think the reason I love them so much is because I get to see you. Not just the you that everybody knows, but you. YOU! The you that you only let a few select see. The you that hides behind your walls. The walls that have been forged over the years of self-discovery. The walls that have remained steady over the years of abuse. The walls that seem so strong and unpenetrable unitl you make the decision, as weary as you may be, to open and let someone in to discover what truly lies behind them and hope they don't abuse it. You... i've gotten to see a lot of you. And I know I don't have the power to counter all your cynicism, or mend all your breaks, or wipe all of your tears...but the privilege to see you for you has been an honor. Thank you for letting me be one of the chosen to see behind the mask or the plastic smiles. Thank you for trusting me with your inner-most fears. Thank you for being you....! And though I may go and seem far away...I carry you with me. I remember you. And now I beg you...do it again. This world hungers for authenticity. It is starving for the genuine. It craves the realness that you hold behind the ramparts of your heart. Don't be afraid...hope in the things to come...it's not about you.