the cost of character...

"A man lays the foundation of true greatness when he becomes more concerned with building his character than with expanding his reputation." - William A. Ward

When I was in 6th grade I did something most 6th graders only dream of. I pulled off an enormous feat. Something so extraordinary that when I look back on it now, I am still astounded at my ability to engineer something so methodical yet so sinister. I was good... and I knew it. 

It was the Christmas season of 1993. It was my brother's turn to open up the present that I had probably spent three dollars on at the school Santa Shop. I knew it wasn't anything special... I only bought gifts for my brothers because I had to. It was a fake gold chain. As my brother opened his present he screamed with excitement. You would have thought I bought him a Super Nintendo. I had no idea such a cheap gift that I spent zero time picking out would cause such a commotion. My brother loved it. Over the next week I became extremely jealous over his love for the necklace. I began to wish I had bought it for myself. 

As a kid I would attend an Awana's program at a local baptist church every Friday night. On one occasion I begged my brother to wear the necklace. I thought for sure I would get the attention that I had known all too well. My notions were confirmed when I showed up that night. I walked around puffed up as kids began to notice my borrowed status symbol. Little did they know that it really wasn't anything special. They had no idea that it was already starting to tarnish and would sometimes leave a bluish-green stain around my neck. Later that night a boy much younger than I approached me with a proposition. He began to tell me that for Christmas his Grandmother had given him not one, but two crisp one hundred dollar bills. I had never even seen a hundred dollar bill before. I doubted their existence so he pulled them out of his pocket and instantly I was awestruck.  It didn't take long to make me a believer. He then told me that he was prepared to give one of the hundred dollar bills to me in exchange for my brothers necklace. Well, I didn't even hesitate... I mean come on, do you know how many cheap necklaces I can buy with one hundred dollars! It was the perfect scandal... and I was rich. I even ended up telling my brother I had lost his necklace and I never had to buy him a new one. Many years later I shared that story with my family. They couldn't believe I did such a horrible thing. It really was awful.  What is even more awful is the way it reflected my fractured character at such a young age. 

I once heard someone say, "Character is what you are when nobody is looking." I remember when having "good character" used to be an important thing to aim for. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it's something less sought after these days. I feel like everyday I hear about people who are willing to whore out their integrity in the search of self-gain. Whatever happened to the desire to do what is right... even when nobody else is watching? Does striving for integrity still exist? Is altruism real? I believe it is... I know it is. I write this to serve as a reminder. All too often I find myself looking back on good intentions that never really surface because I'm too lazy to grapple over what I want and what is right. I forget that righteous character is worth fighting for! 

Are you contributing to the demise of good character? Do you find yourself reluctant to fight for what is virtuous and honorable? Do you willingly hand over your integrity for instant gratification? It's easy to do... we all do it. But if there is ever going to be hope for this world, it requires people who are willing and ready to stand up and do battle with themselves. People who will do the right thing even if nobody notices. It starts with the small things. Is the character of Christ worth fighting for? What will it take... what do you need to do?

the weight of fear....

If you know me... you know that I have a paralyzing fear. A fear that haunts me to the core. This fear to some may seem unrealistic... but to me it is very real. I have an insatiable fear of Zombies. Go ahead... get it out of your system. Laugh and point. But i'm not laughing. I am wetting my pants. Even reading the word Zombie sends shivers down my spine. My friend just purchased a brand new video game based on a Zombie Apocalypse. Just trying to play this game makes me scream like a little girl. I'm serious,... people would pay money to watch me play the game. Zombies scare me. They always have... and always will. 

Although, i'm really not ignorant enough to believe Zombies walk the Earth... I truly believe if they did... i'd be ready. I know exactly what I would do if there was an outbreak. I have had lengthy conversations about fighting tactics, defense mechanisms,

and survival. I have even read Max Brook's book: The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. My fear has created this obsession with preparing for the worst. My fear has prepared me for the future. So,... not if, but when the outbreak happens... you know who to talk to.

Fear is a funny thing. People do some incredible things because of fear, others do nothing. Fear. We all taste it... what ever it is for us... we know it well. We know what is smells like... what it feels like under our skin. We can hear fear screaming in our ears. Whether it's fear of failure, resistance or self-doubt... we know every aspect of our fear. We've played out the different scenarios in our head of how to avoid it at all costs. Fear, if you let it, will dominate you. It will stop you in your tracks and bury you. I know this feeling all to well. Too many times in my life I've let fear make up my mind for me. 

Some of my biggest heroes in life have faced fear, looked deep in it's eyes and kept on going. It's not that fear hasn't been in the way for them... they just didn't let it change their course. I want to live like that. I want to see fear... and charge right through it. I'm not naive enough to think my heroes don't have fear... they do... but they don't let it make decisions for them. I want to walk with firm steps... knowing that I am not alone and fear has no authority over me. I want to live like I believe Isaiah 41:10 

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Do you know your fear like it's a part of you? Have you gone to extreme lengths because fear has taken you there? Know this: the only weight fear has is the weight you give it. Fear does not have the last word. God has already given you the ability to stare fear in the face... and keep on going. You just have to believe it and then do it. What will it take for you to walk with confidence knowing that God will see you through your fear? You may discover that you have been given strength you didn't even know you had! 

long time, no see...

My life has been chaotic for the past few months. Hence why I haven't written anything on here in a while. With everything that goes along with planting a church, working part-time with The Pittsburgh Kids Foundation and attempting to be a good husband... extra minutes in a day are few and far between. The past few months have forced me to appreciate the short silent moments I randomly discover throughout the day. I value them. I wished I had more of them. 

I have seen and experienced a lot over the last few months, but the one thing that has been on my radar lately is the unfailing, faithful work of God through His followers. It's amazing to me how God chooses to do His work through us. It's not like He has any obligation to. He doesn't owe us to partner with Him. It's not like we struck some kind of deal with God that if we "give" our hearts to Him, He will work through us. It's just something He does... He does it all the time. Over the last few months I have seen normal everyday people do extraordinary things, not by their own power, but through the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through them. 

I spoke with someone who was haunted by mistakes of the past... and when we spoke, it was like God was revealing to them the unbelievable power that He has over the lies of the Accuser. I didn't do or say anything special... neither did the person I was talking to. But God still displayed the weight of His authority. It was a "lightbulb" moment for both of us. We saw the face of God in a conversation of pain and regret... and hope was born. Why does He do that? How does He do that? I'm so glad I don't know. I like not having the capability of understanding the enormity of God or the reason for His work. The experience is all I need. 

God displays Himself like this all of the time through people. That's church for me! Church is when I see the work of God through people. We are incapable of doing anything good with out the work of God in us. All that you do is not a result of who you are... it's about who is working through you. That gives me a whole new appreciation for my mission in this world. I don't want people to see me. Because if they see me... they will see a distraction. I want you to see God... through me, not because of what I do, but because of what He is doing in and through me. 

May your life be about His reflection. May your work be about the privilege of having the Creator working through you. May your conversations be the very words of God exhaling from your soul... and may your heart be that of His. 

spiritual mile markers...

This past friday I had one of those surreal moments when you think to yourself... How did I get here?!? The Pittsburgh Kids Foundation was having an "Office Warming" party to celebrate their move to their new offices on Federal Street right next to PNC Park. It was a great cook-out filled with college stories, turkey burgers, and winding up little kids. That night was Fireworks Night for the Pirates so we got to lounge on the rooftop and watch the breathtaking display light up the sky and feel it thunder in our chests! I sat there with some of my closest friends and shared my disbelief of the fortune we had to experience such an event. It felt like we were on an episode of MTV Cribs or something like that. It's funny how being in a moment like that gave us a sense that we somehow reached a pinnacle. Being on top of a building in the middle of the city made us feel important and valued and inspired us to just laugh. That night we were on top of the world... and like always, it was short lived. The next morning reminded me of my true reality when I wrestled with the rose bush engulfing my backyard. Important people who partied on top of buildings weren't supposed to toil over landscaping. 

I think people who are continually trying to follow Christ experience these same kinds of moments. I know we all have moments where we feel like we've reached a new level in our relationship with God. Maybe it was a result of a message someone taught that shook you to the core and inspired you to go and do something. Maybe it was when you were worshipping and the words you'd been singing for so long finally made sense. Maybe it was in the quiet of silence where God revealed something inside of you that was hiding for a long,...long time. Maybe it was the face of someone after you sacrificially gave of yourself  to them. We all have moments in our journey that leave a mark. Spiritual mile markers. Moments when we realize that our current state has nothing to do with what we did but, it is a result of what God is doing in and through us. Spiritual moments when God gets our attention and gives us a new perspective. These moments change our lives. These moments... set the course of our lives in a new direction and the ramifications could never be comprehended. 

Unfortunately these moments fade... and many times are short lived. Reality hits and we are reminded of the mess the next morning. Inspiration withers... and motivation dies. We often forget the importance of mapping out our mile markers. There is great power in remembering where you've been and what God has brought you out of. When I look back and think of where I have been... it gives me an overwhelming realization that God has yet to let me down. God has seen me through so much and He will continue to do so. He does this for all of His children...we just need to look back and see it. 

So, my question to you is this... when was the last time you took a moment to remember your spiritual mile markers? How did those moments flip your world upside down? And how will the fact that God has always been faithful change your perspective on whatever is going on in your life right now? Life is full of moments on the rooftops and moments when the rose bushes slow you down... but that will never change the fact that you are his beloved and it never will!

ceci n'est pas une pipe....

When I was a kid my parents used to take me to visit an older man at his house. I don't really recall how my family knew him or why we went over his house,... in fact it may have even been my great-grandfather, i'm really not sure. The only thing I remember is that he used to always smoke a pipe, and when I was there I felt safe and comfortable. To this day I love the smell of pipe tobacco. When I smell it, it takes me back to a place in my memories where I can't help but sense contentment. 

I think we can all relate to this experience. For some reason, unbeknownst to us, our senses can arouse deep heartfelt feelings that take us back in time to specific moments and places. These sensory voyages can often be celebrated and warm,... but not always. Sometimes our newly acquired awareness conjures up feelings we wished we hadn't awoken. Feelings of fear, guilt, or even shame in pursuit to tear open the freshly healed wounds marked by their all too familiar scars. Regardless of the nature of these sensory experiences, one thing remains when you sift through the aftermath...the feelings are not a result of the trigger. I know it sounds confusing but hear me out on this. You see, a lot of times when we have a significant experience in life; whether good or bad, the effects of that experience roots itself in the core of our soul. There is a greater spiritual significance that gets lost, in fact we lose what that moment is actually about. For example, if I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable... I don't need to smoke a pipe to change my emotions. That would be ridiculous. Yet followers of Christ do this all the time!

I see this erroneous concept played out when it comes to our relationship with God. Many times we equate the location of one significant experience with God as a place where we need to go to experience the weight of God again. For example, if you had an "awakening" experience on a camping trip where you felt the glory of God in the beauty of his creation... you don't need to return back to that spot to experience that which you hunger for. Although that location will always serve as a monumental reminder of your experience... it's not necessary for an experience with God. 

So, my question is this... how do followers of Christ connect spiritually to the Creator without what seems like rare "inspired" experiences? I think we easily get caught up in thinking we can only connect with God occasionally when everything lines up right, but the truth is that every moment we live is drenched with the presence of God. When we experience moments where we feel God in our midst... it's not that God has decided to show up for an hour and then leave for more important things. God is always present, we just don't realize or acknowledge it. Psalm 139:7-10 speaks to this truth. It says: 

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? 

       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 

       if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 

       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

                              10 even there your hand will guide me,                                             your right hand will hold me fast.

Regardless of where you've been or what your experiences have etched on your heart,... know this - the Creator of this world is always with you wherever you go and your mistakes do not define you. God wants nothing more than to spend more sacred moments with you... His beloved. You don't need a sacred spot to encounter God. God is already there waiting for you to recognize Him!  

choose to trust...

The "busy" season of my summer has just begun. My plane touched down in Atlanta a few hours ago and as usual, my head can't stop ruminating about the laundry list of things to come. The emotional concoction is a mix of mainly anticipation and anxiety. I'm excited about what the next few weeks will hold. Today I'm in Atlanta for strategic partner meetings at North Point Church and the following two weeks I will be in Michigan for Surf City. My excitement for the next few weeks is totally justifiable considering i'll be at North Point connecting with some of the most incredible church family you would ever want to be in a room with and i'll be heading to a camp that has arguably had the most significant impact on the youth of Pittsburgh for the last 25 years. I've got plenty to be excited about. I am extremely privileged to be a part of what God is doing in Pittsburgh. 

Unfortunately as I said before my recipe of emotions doesn't just have a healthy dose of excitement... it also has more than one helping of anxiety. I have really been feeling the itch lately. It's like a bug bite that doesn't go away and you know that scratching it will never help but you do it anyway. Worrying about things in the future never makes the future better... but I do it anyway. Anxiety is something that permeates everything I do and I can't help but be embarrassed by the stranglehold it has on me. I'm sure that I am not alone. This is a snag that I believe many of us get caught in everyday. Anxiety is not healthy and is a bigger problem than many of us like to admit. But we have to face a truth... anxiety is wrong and it's a sin. Trust me, i've tried looking at it at every angle, but I can't find cause for "healthy anxiety." It clearly says in Phil. 4, "Do not be anxious about anything." You really can't get much clearer than that. 

I recently read some great stuff on the obstacles of anxiety and worry. Unfortunately, what I read made me realize how toxic worrying truly is. In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chan wrote, "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of  what's happening in our lives." Those words struck me deep. I immediately realized an arrogance that was hidden behind my eyes. Did I truly believe that my God was that small? Has my Savior turned his back and ignored my suffering and concerns? How could I let such a senseless belief dominate my time and my being? It doesn't make sense!

God is bigger than your concerns and He knows your heart. You can't second guess God's plan for your life... because when you let anxiety influence your day-to-day life you are just wasting your time. You are telling God that you don't believe He cares. So, what drives your thoughts on your way to work in the morning? What demands your attention in the late hours of the night when you are trying to fall asleep? The Creator of this world is in control and our lives are designed to point to Him. How much of your time is consumed by worry? Let's try to use that time for something worth while! 

time well spent...

I had so much fun spending the day with friends and family yesterday. There is nothing like having a day like the 4th of July to catch up with old friends and connect with the ones you love. I got to share stories, play some frisbee golf, and laugh until my face hurt. My highlight of the day was riding in the car with my brother to fireworks. We were messing around with the Photo Booth program on my Macbook. It was hilarious. We laughed uncontrollably at our creations.

It was a great day! It reminded me of how thankful I am to feel like I'm part of something bigger than me. It means so much to be surrounded by a group of people who love you and support you through the good and the bad. When I'm with those people I never worry whether or not I'm impressing them or if it looks like I have it all together. Those people know me. They've seen me on the mountain summit and in the damp depths of the valleys. I am me and they wouldn't have it any other way. As wonderful as it is to be a part of a family, I am haunted by the fact that this just isn't everyone's reality. Truth is that this world is populated with a half awake society who don't know the warmth of community. Droves of people walk around everyday in the silence of solitary. Do you know what it feels like to be alone? 

I was reading the story of Zacchaeus recently and I was blown away with his encounter with Jesus. The story is in Luke 19. Zacchaeus was a local outcast, a greedy tax collector who robbed his already poor community by over taxing them and reaping all the benefits. Zacchaeus hears that this miracle worker, Jesus was coming through town and everyone was buzzing about the amazing things he was doing with the sick and lame. Like anyone who has been captivated by the talk of stunning performances, Zacchaeus was determined to see the show. Being vertically challenged, (a.k.a. short) Zaachaeus climbed a tree for a better view. Jesus shows up and strikes up a conversation with Zaachaeus and then invited himself over to his house for dinner. Kind of rude of Jesus,... but it worked! Over dinner Jesus makes such a huge impact on Zacchaeus that Zacchaeus decides to change his life and start over.

A great story,... I love this story. In light of thinking about family and feeling part of something bigger, the story of Zacchaeus opened my eyes to Jesus' approach to a lonely soul. You see, Jesus didn't just notice someone who was lonely and give him a kind word or some food to eat. Jesus didn't just recognize Zacchaeus. Jesus invested time in him. This is where I believe a lot of Christians get caught up. It seems to me that when we try to live like Jesus we try to notice those people who are lonely or outsiders. We try to be really good at saying hi to the loner at the lunch table or commenting on the co-worker's new dress even if we don't like it. We do our best to spread "God's love" by making nice and neat comments. But Jesus doesn't stop where many of us do! Jesus is more than just nice! Jesus spends the evening with Zacchaeus over dinner and coffee. Jesus invests in him and listens and spends hours with him. This proves to Zacchaeus that Jesus believes he is valuable. Jesus was a busy dude. He had a lot of healing to do... yet he still sees an opportunity to change someone's life by making him feel valuable and proving it by the time he spent with him. 

This world needs more than just friendly people who make nice comments. There's nothing wrong with being friendly, and there's nothing wrong with nice comments. But if that is all you have to offer, you are coming up way short on what it means to be like Jesus. This desperate world needs people who are going to invest in the lonely and sometimes that means putting aside your own time for the sake of others and the sake of Christ. Don't try to tell me your time is more important than Jesus'. When you invest in people... it changes lives... just look at Zacchaeus!

 

can I have your story...

All last week I was speaking at a Camp called Suncrest. It was a great time and I totally enjoyed hanging out with some awesome high schoolers! On thursday night I shared a message based on the importance of sharing our stories. Our life stories have power and regardless of where we've been and what mess we've been through, God still wants to use us to redeem this world and partner with us to bring all things back to the way they were created to be. 

There is something powerful in sitting back and hearing people share their stories. Something deep and spiritual happens when you look an individual in the eye and they show you their soul. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but when I take time to hear someone share their story, I get glimpses of the Spirit. When you take time to really listen when someone bares it all, with no strings attached, it reveals a holy authenticity founded only in the image of our flawless Creator. You sense the masterful work of His blueprint for their life. God takes the mess and makes something beautiful. I love that. 

Our stories are undeniable affirmation that God is at work in this world and everyone around you can be a captive audience. You just need to be willing and ready to be a storyteller. Our stories have power and they breed hope. People will look at what you've endured and come to the conclusion that if you've been there and you keep going, then maybe they can keep going too! We need your stories.

So this is what I want to do, I want to make this a place where others can read your stories and be inspired by what God has brought you out of. I want this to be a place where people will get glimpses of a holy authenticity that can only come from our Creator. I want to share your stories. So this is my plan... I need you to email me your stories and I will regularly post them on this blog. They can be short, they can be long, they can be whatever you want. They just have to be your story. Your story must also include a picture to represent you or your story. Let God use your story to inspire others. Let your story breed hope in a world that is desperate for it. You can email your story to me at:  rgage4@yahoo.com 

my walk of shame....

"The Love of God is Absolute"

-Billy Graham

I was reminded again this week of how much I love my small group. It's no wonder that the early church exploded overnight. If it was anything like my small group I can understand why everyday people were divinely inspired to do amazing things for the glory of God. This past week we were discussing how difficult it is to actually live out our faith. We found that many of us tiptoe on the tightrope of casual Christianity because of either fear, lack of confidence, or laziness. It's so easy to write off these deficiencies as actually waiting for the right moment. I mean think about it... how many times have you not chosen to speak up about something that you know is wrong because you're afraid you will be viewed as "that guy". Or how about this one... you would rather just not address that issue because it would just take too much time... and you are sure that God has someone else better equipped to deal with that person. I find myself arguing with that voice in the back of my head on a daily basis... and I think he's getting tired of the excuses. 

I was reading some old notes this afternoon and I came across this quote from Billy Graham. It kind of hit me right between the eyes. It's such a simple statement. The love of God is absolute. I find that statement to be so simple and true in it's very nature but my blurred reality seems to redefine it. I sing it's validity everyday but my casual stroll through life doesn't match the tune. 

As a follower of Jesus I am supposed to see the world with the eyes of the Savior but I don't. I am blinded by my own desires and lack of effort. There are people that I come in contact with that drive me crazy. There are people who desire my attention and I let myself get distracted by the next person in line. There are people I avoid because I don't want them to "bring me down". I choose my own comforts and cravings nine times out of ten and I'm getting tired of the lip service. 

I have been challenged recently to focus more on loving with the absolute love of God. Loving others regardless of their labels and regardless of my benefit. Everyday people are given the opportunity to chose Heaven or Hell... and I'm tired of letting Hell be an option. I want to create more opportunities for redemption... whatever that looks like. Maybe it's complementing that coworker who makes my blood boil or maybe it's taking the time to notice and listen to that person without looking for what's in it for me. All I know is this world needs more glimpses of Heaven and I can't wait around for other people to create them. It's our job as believers to reclaim this world. So what does that mean for you? How are you going to create more opportunities for people to choose Heaven? 

come all you weary...

I recently went to a concert this past week with a friend of mine. We went and saw the band Thrice play down in the strip district. The show was incredible! I have been blown away by their latest album. The lyrics of their songs are so deep and thought provoking. Thrice finished the concert with a song of their new album titled Come All You Weary. The song talks about sharing your heavy burden with those you walk through life with. The song has been kind of my mantra over the past few weeks. I feel like I am working with some people who have the heaviest of loads and they gave up carrying them a long time ago. Here are the lyrics to the song:

Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine

Come all you weary move through the earth
You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church
Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet
Lend me your ears and break bread with me

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

Come all you weary, you crippled you lame
I’ll help you along you can lay down your canes
We’ve got a long way to go but we’ll travel as friends
The lights growing bright further on further in

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

Rest for your souls

Let's face it... life can get heavy. Whether you are the type of person who is laden with the burden of difficult times or the type of person who is bearing the burdens of others... know this truth; you aren't alone... and we can do this together. Too many times we get caught up in thinking that this adventure called life is a journey of seclusion. We get fixated with the false reality that our life is a result of the way we live it and our environment and relationships have nothing to do with the outcome. But the truth is that our existence has everything to do with the people we wander with. We were created to need relationships. Especially the kinds of relationships that enable us to keep going. 

Think about the few people in your life who have given you the strength to keep going... the ones who stood by you and were your force and might when you were weary. We all have those people who if it weren't for them, you may have given up and thrown in the towel. Your story could have succumbed to the weight of your experience and the effects would have been irreversible. 

I encourage you to give credit where credit is due. Send those few journeymen a note of acknowledgement and gratitude. Your friends need to experience their worth and you can be a means to that end. Speak the Kingdom into the lives around you... let them know how they reflected the light of Christ to you. Those complements will never get old.

a love like this...

When I was seventeen... a dream that I had treasured for what seemed to be a lifetime finally came into fruition. I owned my very own car. It was mine. I didn't have to borrow my Mom's teal Dodge Neon anymore. I had my own car... and I didn't have to share it with anyone. I still remember the day I got it. My Grandfather called my Dad and told him that he was willing to give me his other car. My Dad gave me the "you need to be responsible and this is a privilege" talk.  Then we went to pick the car up at my Grandparents house. It was a 1986 Pontiac Sunbird. It was beautiful. The car was in great shape for it's age and still had a bit of a shine to it. It was the color of a worn penny, but to me it might as well been the color of a million dollars. 

That day that I picked up my car I began to make it mine. I bought a new radio and cow-skin seat covers that were hastily installed in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart I shopped at. I then grappled over picking a name for my new treasure. I chose the name Abe. A perfect fit. 

Now, in case you were unaware... for a senior in high school, owning your own car meant much more than just the convenience of not having to borrow your Mom's teal mobile. It took me to a whole new level. I actually skyrocketed into a whole new social scene that day. I had my own car. This meant I could actually take advantage of parking in the senior class parking lot. I could be seen by my peers every morning on my long walk of popularity from my parking space to the school. I'll never forget the anticipation I felt the day I got to broadcast my new status. It was like I was getting ready to walk the red carpet. I made sure that I picked the perfect outfit to impress my classmates and I did everything in my power to have a noticeably exceptional hair day. The setting was flawless. My moment had come... and I was ready to soak it in. 

Then my storybook dream fell apart. On my way to school that morning I was driving behind a school bus packed full of students who didn't have a car. I was following the bus marveling over the fact that I was no longer one of them. Then, without warning... the bus made a sudden stop and I smashed right into the back of it. I had my car for a week... a week! As you could imagine my biggest fear was reporting my unfortunate event to my Dad. I had scenes of intense torture and cruel punishment running through my head. I'll never forget dialing his phone number after the accident. It was like my world was crawling in super slow motion. Each number as I dialed it sounded like a drawn out wail. When my Dad picked up, I peed my pants... or at least it felt that humiliating. I told him everything that had happened and winced as I waited to hear how my life would end. Then he said something that I never expected. My Dad asked if I was okay, he told me everything would be alright, that he would take care of it and that he loved me. Do you know that feeling? That feeling like your on the edge of losing everything and then unexpectedly your world gets flipped upside down? It's a great feeling... a feeling I need to be reminded of more often.

I was reminded of that feeling today. How often have you fully digested the intensity of God's unfailing love? Think about it. God's love is incredibly simple yet unbelievably complex and unimaginable. It doesn't make sense. It's the exact opposite of what you would expect. How often do you shuffle into the presence of God expecting humiliation and disappointment and discover a safe-house of approval and hope. The love of God can't be explained by our insufficient vocabulary, but it's real and it's true and it's unlike anything that we could ever expect. When was the last time you took a moment to sit and feel the power of God's love for you? How would your day be different if you could sense the reality of God's unfailing love for you? A love like this can't be understood... and I can't get enough of it.

the devil made me do it!

Have you ever heard the saying "if the devil can't make you bad he'll make you busy?" I don't know if I honestly believe that. Lately my life feels like structured chaos. I had no idea how busy I could actually make myself. In the last few weeks my schedule has been through a vigorous work-out and free time has been nearly fictional. This current chaos is a result my own drive for connectedness and production. I am the only one who can be blamed and I think to pawn it off on something other than my own doing would be cowardly. 

In my opinion... for what it's worth... I think a lot of us give the Accuser way more credit than he deserves. As humans we are so quick to hand over responsibility... because it keeps things less messy. We think that if we aren't responsible for the mess than we won't have to worry about the clean-up. We are not unreasonably busy because it's a part of Satan's master plan. We are unreasonably busy because we won't take responsibility for our time. The devil is not making me busy... I am making me busy. It is no ones fault but my own and I know why I'm doing it. 

I have bought into the lie that my production is a result of my value. I am getting caught up in trusting my abilities over God's actuality and my busy schedule is just one aspect of my life that reveals my inconsistencies. I want to change that. I know that my true value and worth comes from the one who renews all things... even me. My plan is to slow down and enjoy the moments in life that are often overlooked as a result of life's momentum.

If the pace of life is steadily building into a sprint... it's your responsibility to take a break, catch your breath and reevaluate your priorities. Take responsibility and make time to enjoy the world around you before it's out of your view. When was the last time you didn't feel busy? When was the last time you stopped for a scenic overlook or took the long way to class just to enjoy a few more moments of fresh air? When was the last time you sat down and had a cup of coffee when it wasn't in your schedule of events for the day? Busy does not equal a happy life. Busy equals stress, irritability and distraction. Make time a priority... before it's too late.

The Heart of Jesus

Have you ever hurt for someone?  Have you ever literally felt pain that was inflicted on others? Do you know what it is like to endure the repeated stab of torment imposed on someone other than your self? Whether it's the discomfort of feeling out of place or the agony of going through life feeling distress and sorrow or just feeling incomplete, the fact still remains that we all feel pain. No matter to what degree... we all feel pain. It's a 100% guarantee that anyone who has ever had the pleasure of knowing what it is to feel alive... at some point in his or her life, will know the sting of pain. 

 I recently started a new chapter in my already lengthy book of life. I feel like my life journey so far would make Rand Mcnally proud. I can't imagine the detours that are sure to eventually come, but nonetheless it’s my expedition… it’s my life. The new chapter comes as a result of my new career path… if you want to call it that. Truthfully, I wanted to have a transitory new experience outside of the comfort and protection of the church. I wanted to redefine my shallow view of “ministry.” It hasn’t taken long. This experience has already convinced me that the trenches were bigger than I thought.

I am now working with kids who have endured more pain and hurt than any horror film could ever depict. If it were possible to hear a heart break it would surely drown out the reverberation of my insignificant words. I hurt for these kids. The weight of their experience chokes what innocence they have left inside. I believe this new employment has given me new insight into the heart of Jesus. Jesus had to have had the trying capacity to experience the pain of those around him. Jesus wept for the ache of his community and like the foundation of a building He sustained the burden of life.

In his book A Testament Of Devotion, Thomas Kelly wrote:

“The heart is stretched through suffering, and enlarged. But O the agony of this enlarging of the heart, that one may be prepared to enter into the anguish of others! Yet the way of holy obedience leads out from the heart of God and extends through the Valley of the Shadow.”

Right now my heart is being stretched. The Valley of the Shadow is making me more aware of the pain of my community and as outlandish as it may sound; my heart is being taken on a fantastic journey of enlargement.  So what would it mean for you to have the heart of Jesus? What would it be like if you took every opportunity to let your heart be stretched? Who in your area of influence can you share the heart of Jesus with?

Jesus for sale!

This week I had a couple of interviews for some part-time work. In my search to find meaningful employment outside of the church walls I have learned a lot. I can’t believe how many times in the past few months that I have been reminded of the work that God is doing in this world… and how a lot of times the church takes my attention way from it.

Before an interview today I decided to stop at Starbucks and get a coffee. I’m not sure why, but Starbucks immediately turns me into an introvert. I usually put my headphones on and bury my head in a book. I try to eliminate all distractions and focus all of my energy into the imaginary world I create with the help of Sufjan Stevens and C.S. Lewis.  Today I forgot my headphones.  This unfortunate and rare occurrence forced me to gather up enough self-discipline to stay focused without my music induced world. As Arnold would say… I “lack discipline!” (Do your best to read that in a Schwarzenegger-like voice.)

My mind began to wander between the new Counting Crows album playing and the many conversations going on around me. I couldn't help but eavesdrop on a conversation between two men. One man had an extremely odd outfit, green corduroy pants, sandals and a black Under Amour shirt. The other man was dressed in a full suit… and had a confident, solid posture. The businessman was hitting this guy hard with a sales pitch. He was trying to get the oddly dressed man, who happened to own a pet supply store, to carry his new product. It was an all-natural fair-trade pet food made from freshly caught wild salmon among other things. I could tell immediately that the Store Owner was not interested, but this Salesman wasn’t going to take no for an answer… you could tell he thought his sales pitch was infallible, he had an answer for everything. In fact, he asked the Store Owner what brand he did carry and when he responded, the Salesman laughed out loud and began to bash the other competitors. Soon after that the Store Owner got up, and walked out. Then I laughed because the Salesman began to curse like a sailor as he cleaned up his materials.

Seeing this interaction reminded me of something I read once in Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. In the book Miller writes, 

"I was a salesman for a while, and we were taught that you are supposed to point out all the benefits of a product when you are selling it. That is how I felt about some of the preachers I hear speak. They are always pointing out the benefits of Christian faith. That rubbed me wrong. It's not that there aren't benefits, there are, but did they have to talk about spirituality like it's a vacuum cleaner. I never felt like Jesus was a product."

Now don't get me wrong... I love the church. I do,... I believe the church is the bride of Christ and is a beautiful thing. And just like in a marriage, you have moments that aren't pretty, but that doesn't make me love my marriage any less. But I agree with Miller. I have been around enough churches to see that too many times the church can be more concerned with selling it's way of doing things and what it has to offer when compared to church such and such down the road rather then being concerned with the realness of THE Kingdom of God.  It seems like these days we are promoting A Kingdom of God rather than THE Kingdom of God. I honestly believe it's causing more confusion and doing more harm then good. We are becoming close minded salesmen who care more about our selling tactics than the product itself. 

So my question to you is this... are you spending majority of your time and energy into selling Jesus... are your efforts just to keep up with the bigger, trendy church down the road? Maybe its time to refocus. Now is the time to realize this is a cause driven by unity. The life-changing love of Christ sells itself! You can't make it sound any better than it already is. Just live it. 

who's behind that flashlight?

I recently joined a small group. For those of you who don't know me,... that's actually a big step. The decision was monumental because I'm one of those guys who thrives on helping other people. I love sitting down with someone and hearing the struggles of everyday life and helping people take themselves out of the situation and seeing it from a different perspective, or just spur them on with some needed encouragement to muster up the strength to put on the armor and face a new day. I love being involved in people's lives. I love the messy glimpses of what's really going on in the minds of people round me. I think I love it because it reminds me that I'm not alone and that the scuffle with the true self is something that is very real. I believe a strength of mine is relationships of character and so I love the experience of relationships. But, as many of you know your greatest strength, in turn can be your greatest weakness. My weakness is that I tend to put all the focus on others so I don't have focus on myself. It's a lot easier to hide in the shadows when you're holding the flashlight.

So, I joined this small group and it's been great. Over the past few weeks we have been sharing our stories of where we've been and where we are going. I have loved how transparent and real some of these stories have been. There is something quite powerful in hearing about the suffering endured by my new friends. What makes it so powerful is seeing how many of them have weathered the storms of life and can still walk with their heads held high. I'm sure it wasn't easy to get to that point, but they are still walking and haven't given up on the hope of things to come. It's like the suffering they have faced has made them into a prized fighter. It's truly inspiring. It makes me want to fight.


Being privileged enough to see the true self of so many around me has sparked a thought that I heard a while back from a mentor of mine. My friend taught me the importance of sharing our wounds with those around us. We can't hide behind the flashlight... our wounds we have endured, our suffering that we have faced... it brings strength to the lives of others. You see, our suffering gives us an authority to speak into the lives of those who are fighting the same fight. And people need to see that you've fought and you've survived what seems to be a losing battle to the hopeless heart. It's incredible but true... Jesus finds strength in those who suffer that they didn't even know they had. Your experience of suffering can be just what someone needs to fight one more day.


Are you hiding behind a flashlight... in hopes that the true self of others would be exposed rather than your own? Your suffering can be the strength of others. Jesus has given you the authority to speak about suffering... so maybe it's time you use it.

who needs a bigger boat?

I was recently looking through some old pictures and came across this one. My wife and I went on a cruise through Alaska with my in-laws and this was one of the pictures I took. I took this picture from the back of the boat to show how far you could see the wake of the boat. It was incredible... all you could see is open water, quiet and calm as it always is... and one long scar as far as the eyes could see where our boat cut through the water and agitated the surface. I took this picture because it reminded me of a quote I once read. I can't quite remember who it was accredited to... i'm sure it was either Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill, considering they are probably the most quoted people in all of history... and rightfully so. Those two had brilliant words of wisdom and insight. But the quote went something like this:

"The measure of a man has nothing to do with the size of his boat, but instead the wake it leaves behind."

I absolutely love that quote. And honestly it can be interpreted in many ways, but let me try to articulate what it means to me. To me, this quote speaks volumes about the legacy we choose to leave behind. We all want to leave a legacy that inspires people to integrity and life the way it was meant to be. If you're anything like me... I want my life to effect people in such a way that they would have no choice but to believe that there was potential in this world and something must be done to free it.

This is what I mean.... God created this world, and it was good. It was the way it was intended to be. And we screwed the whole thing up by living outside of God's design for us. We wanted control and thought we knew better than God. But so many people stop there. So many would be perfectly happy stopping with the world being suffocated by layers of greed, suffering and selfishness. So many are content in believing that is all there is... a messed up and hopeless world. That's just the way things are and there's no hope of changing it. The world lacks hope. I mean,... sure we get a little glimpse of hope here and there when we watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. But even that only lasts until the next commercial break.

Here's what I want my legacy to be...hope. When I leave this world and people look back at my "wake" I want lives to be changed by hope. I want hope to give the eyes people need in order to see what this world could be. I want everyone around me to become doers. I want people to have a vision of a better world and do something to make it happen. I want people to be so attuned to the needs of their surroundings that they do whatever it takes to meet those needs. I want to see an invasion of Heaven here. I know it's possible. It's not easy... but it's possible

What do you want your legacy to be? What waves are you making on this world? Or have you already bought into the lie that you need a bigger boat?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. -Proverbs 3:5-6

strengthening your senses

It's funny how at different times in your life,... some things just stand out. Some things are just easier to notice. It almost comes natural and there's no real way to explain why. Recently I have begin to notice the amount of emotion behind the human eyes. I have no idea why this all of a sudden has become something that triggers an alarm on my instinctual radar, but it's been happening more and more. It's amazing to me to see how much emotion can be expressed with a stabbing glare.

Just last week I was helping a friend of mine watch his kids and it astounded me how his little girl could relay loads of emotional information with just one uncomfortable glance. It was clear that this girl did not trust me and knew I wasn't her father. It was clear because I saw it in her eyes. This baby can't even talk yet but she said plenty with the look on her eyes.

A few days ago I went and spoke to a large group of students at a church. It was a blast. They were having a huge event that would last all night with great activities for students like ice skating, and a riverboat cruise. They had me come in and give a message about the saving grace of Jesus. I talked about how the world is messed up because we as humans are messed up. We choose to live a life of sin because it's easier than living the way we are meant to live. Then I began talking about the lies Satan whispers in our inner ear about how we will never be good enough, we won't measure up, there's no hope, and there's no point in trying to change. It was a message that I love to share because it's one that I wrestle with all of the time. Even after I spoke I began to hear Satan whisper in my ear, "you blew it, nobody was listening, that was a waste of your time, God's can't use you." He knows exactly what to say to cut you down and make you think you are incapable of anything good. Then I saw something that silenced the screams in my inner ear. I felt like all of a sudden I was under water or that I had lost my hearing and had to rely on strengthening my other senses to notice what would come next. Everything else went silent and I could hear this girl's eyes. It's like they were screaming for rescue. She walked up to me and she didn't have to say a word. I already knew.

Her eyes... seared that moment in my memory and I hope that it remains a scar. I never want to forget what her eyes shared with me. It seemed as if it was God himself telling me and the voices in my inner ear, "never underestimate me or what I'm capable of. I am bigger than you could ever possibly understand and nothing can stop my ferocious love." God speaks through anything and everything. The truths of our Savior are saturated in our everyday lives. God is trying to tell you something and sooner or later you are going to hear it in ways you couldn't imagine. Listen with your whole being and you will hear the message.

Ask and you shall.... keep asking?

Someone said something to me yesterday and since then,... I feel as if it sparked a thought that has been ringing in my ears all week. My friend recently went through some fairly significant life change and was commenting on prayer... he said some thing along the lines of how surprised he was of how much of his prayer life consists of asking God for stuff. He said that and at that moment it was like my world stopped. It was like one of those scenes in a movie when the camera all of a sudden does a quick zoom to a tight shot of my face and you can literally hear the wheels turning in my head! That comment shook me... it made me see a reality that I often turned my gaze from. 

I began to really think and process why this thought hit me to the core and then I realized it. I realized something i didn't want to realize. I realized my prayer life consists so much of me asking God for things that I fear that if I didn't ask for things,... I would have nothing to say. Complete and utter silence... probably uncomfortable and naked silence. Is my relationship with God really that shallow? Is my relationship with God like that of a stranger I meet at my table at a wedding reception... soaking with friendly greetings, pointless chatter and fake interest. Wow... I hate those conversations because they feel so phony and forced. I don't want my relationship with God to be like that... I want it to be so real that it hurts. 

So,... yesterday I decided I would spend this week in prayer but I wasn't allowed to ask God for anything. Our conversation could only consist of praise and silence. It was so difficult. I had to catch myself and stop... a lot.... in fact, more times than i'd like to admit. I told God during my morning drive that I would spend it in complete silence and try to hear what He had to say. A minute later a tractor trailer in front of me blew it's tire and almost hit me. I really don't know what that's supposed to mean. I haven't really drawn any conclusions about it yet, I know God is revealing a good work in me... i just don't have the eyes to see it yet, but I'm sure it will come in His time. Control is a hard thing to give up... but when you do... it changes your perspective and you start seeing things a little clearer!

P.S. You need to get the new Leeland CD....... incredible!

Are those fighting words???

So, I've been fighting this inner battle as of late... and I can't seem to determine yet who is winning. It's making me more aware of the many crusades that are fought everyday but go unnoticed because the echoes of war are muffled by chest cavities. It shouldn't surprise me how often these battles are fought considering the state of the world and it's desperate need of redemption, but it does. I mean, everybody seems all cool and collected. Tidy and neat. But if you could hear the silent screams of fear and criticism...the shouts ringing inside our heads, out of earshot to rest of the world...then maybe our perceptions would fade. Everybody fights the war of the heart and i'm recently reminded of that.

I've been fighting for confidence. The enemy has hurled arrows of insult at me and my armor is feeling insufficient. I don't know how much more I can take. I have the overwhelming sense that I can't do anything. That no matter how hard I try, I will never measure up to what i'm capable of becuase it's too difficult. It will take too much work... and too much time. I can't fight like this...I have no real weapons. All I have is my heart and in it's bruised and battered state, it's close to surrender. Surrender...surrender? Why would I even consider it? If I surrender... I truly have nothing. And if I have nothing...what will identify me...what will be my worth? Why does this thought all of a sudden feel so irresistibly freeing? Has this fight really been about something else?

It seems that the tables have turned. This inner conflict really isn't about a lack of confidence in myself, it's been about a lack of confidence in God. It's been a battle over control and the enemy really wasn't the evil tyrant I imagined him to be. I'm the tyrant. I'm the control hungry man who wants to have the final say. But life doesn't work that way. You can't claim a faith in God and not be willing to give Him what is rightfully His. And I am rightfully His...you are rightfully His. Oh, and by the way, I'm not talking about Sunday you, or Gave-the-homeless-man-a-dollar you, or Read-The-Purpose-Driven-Life-in-public-as-a-witnessing-tool-you. Giving God little moments like these are easy and take virtually no effort. It's easy to claim God's supremecy in these moments. But what about when you feel like you are literally walking through the hopelessness of hell. What about moments like those? You know what those moments are...those are the moments that really show us how genuine our faith really is. Jesus isn't interested in redeeming moments...Jesus wants to make ALL THINGS new.

When we choose to believe there is no hope, in essence we are telling God that He is not capable of doing His work in the world and that is unaccpetable. Our small dreams are incapable of concieveing the plans the Lord has and in the same token our minds tend to limit God to our own agendas. That is why the thought of surrendering the battle is so freeing. When you take the step to give up control and the need to understand you then start to realize the opposition was actually fighting for you and not against you. Be careful not to misinterpret peace talks for fighting words...it will really save you some avoidable wounds.