long time, no see...

My life has been chaotic for the past few months. Hence why I haven't written anything on here in a while. With everything that goes along with planting a church, working part-time with The Pittsburgh Kids Foundation and attempting to be a good husband... extra minutes in a day are few and far between. The past few months have forced me to appreciate the short silent moments I randomly discover throughout the day. I value them. I wished I had more of them. 

I have seen and experienced a lot over the last few months, but the one thing that has been on my radar lately is the unfailing, faithful work of God through His followers. It's amazing to me how God chooses to do His work through us. It's not like He has any obligation to. He doesn't owe us to partner with Him. It's not like we struck some kind of deal with God that if we "give" our hearts to Him, He will work through us. It's just something He does... He does it all the time. Over the last few months I have seen normal everyday people do extraordinary things, not by their own power, but through the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through them. 

I spoke with someone who was haunted by mistakes of the past... and when we spoke, it was like God was revealing to them the unbelievable power that He has over the lies of the Accuser. I didn't do or say anything special... neither did the person I was talking to. But God still displayed the weight of His authority. It was a "lightbulb" moment for both of us. We saw the face of God in a conversation of pain and regret... and hope was born. Why does He do that? How does He do that? I'm so glad I don't know. I like not having the capability of understanding the enormity of God or the reason for His work. The experience is all I need. 

God displays Himself like this all of the time through people. That's church for me! Church is when I see the work of God through people. We are incapable of doing anything good with out the work of God in us. All that you do is not a result of who you are... it's about who is working through you. That gives me a whole new appreciation for my mission in this world. I don't want people to see me. Because if they see me... they will see a distraction. I want you to see God... through me, not because of what I do, but because of what He is doing in and through me. 

May your life be about His reflection. May your work be about the privilege of having the Creator working through you. May your conversations be the very words of God exhaling from your soul... and may your heart be that of His. 

time well spent...

I had so much fun spending the day with friends and family yesterday. There is nothing like having a day like the 4th of July to catch up with old friends and connect with the ones you love. I got to share stories, play some frisbee golf, and laugh until my face hurt. My highlight of the day was riding in the car with my brother to fireworks. We were messing around with the Photo Booth program on my Macbook. It was hilarious. We laughed uncontrollably at our creations.

It was a great day! It reminded me of how thankful I am to feel like I'm part of something bigger than me. It means so much to be surrounded by a group of people who love you and support you through the good and the bad. When I'm with those people I never worry whether or not I'm impressing them or if it looks like I have it all together. Those people know me. They've seen me on the mountain summit and in the damp depths of the valleys. I am me and they wouldn't have it any other way. As wonderful as it is to be a part of a family, I am haunted by the fact that this just isn't everyone's reality. Truth is that this world is populated with a half awake society who don't know the warmth of community. Droves of people walk around everyday in the silence of solitary. Do you know what it feels like to be alone? 

I was reading the story of Zacchaeus recently and I was blown away with his encounter with Jesus. The story is in Luke 19. Zacchaeus was a local outcast, a greedy tax collector who robbed his already poor community by over taxing them and reaping all the benefits. Zacchaeus hears that this miracle worker, Jesus was coming through town and everyone was buzzing about the amazing things he was doing with the sick and lame. Like anyone who has been captivated by the talk of stunning performances, Zacchaeus was determined to see the show. Being vertically challenged, (a.k.a. short) Zaachaeus climbed a tree for a better view. Jesus shows up and strikes up a conversation with Zaachaeus and then invited himself over to his house for dinner. Kind of rude of Jesus,... but it worked! Over dinner Jesus makes such a huge impact on Zacchaeus that Zacchaeus decides to change his life and start over.

A great story,... I love this story. In light of thinking about family and feeling part of something bigger, the story of Zacchaeus opened my eyes to Jesus' approach to a lonely soul. You see, Jesus didn't just notice someone who was lonely and give him a kind word or some food to eat. Jesus didn't just recognize Zacchaeus. Jesus invested time in him. This is where I believe a lot of Christians get caught up. It seems to me that when we try to live like Jesus we try to notice those people who are lonely or outsiders. We try to be really good at saying hi to the loner at the lunch table or commenting on the co-worker's new dress even if we don't like it. We do our best to spread "God's love" by making nice and neat comments. But Jesus doesn't stop where many of us do! Jesus is more than just nice! Jesus spends the evening with Zacchaeus over dinner and coffee. Jesus invests in him and listens and spends hours with him. This proves to Zacchaeus that Jesus believes he is valuable. Jesus was a busy dude. He had a lot of healing to do... yet he still sees an opportunity to change someone's life by making him feel valuable and proving it by the time he spent with him. 

This world needs more than just friendly people who make nice comments. There's nothing wrong with being friendly, and there's nothing wrong with nice comments. But if that is all you have to offer, you are coming up way short on what it means to be like Jesus. This desperate world needs people who are going to invest in the lonely and sometimes that means putting aside your own time for the sake of others and the sake of Christ. Don't try to tell me your time is more important than Jesus'. When you invest in people... it changes lives... just look at Zacchaeus!

 

The Heart of Jesus

Have you ever hurt for someone?  Have you ever literally felt pain that was inflicted on others? Do you know what it is like to endure the repeated stab of torment imposed on someone other than your self? Whether it's the discomfort of feeling out of place or the agony of going through life feeling distress and sorrow or just feeling incomplete, the fact still remains that we all feel pain. No matter to what degree... we all feel pain. It's a 100% guarantee that anyone who has ever had the pleasure of knowing what it is to feel alive... at some point in his or her life, will know the sting of pain. 

 I recently started a new chapter in my already lengthy book of life. I feel like my life journey so far would make Rand Mcnally proud. I can't imagine the detours that are sure to eventually come, but nonetheless it’s my expedition… it’s my life. The new chapter comes as a result of my new career path… if you want to call it that. Truthfully, I wanted to have a transitory new experience outside of the comfort and protection of the church. I wanted to redefine my shallow view of “ministry.” It hasn’t taken long. This experience has already convinced me that the trenches were bigger than I thought.

I am now working with kids who have endured more pain and hurt than any horror film could ever depict. If it were possible to hear a heart break it would surely drown out the reverberation of my insignificant words. I hurt for these kids. The weight of their experience chokes what innocence they have left inside. I believe this new employment has given me new insight into the heart of Jesus. Jesus had to have had the trying capacity to experience the pain of those around him. Jesus wept for the ache of his community and like the foundation of a building He sustained the burden of life.

In his book A Testament Of Devotion, Thomas Kelly wrote:

“The heart is stretched through suffering, and enlarged. But O the agony of this enlarging of the heart, that one may be prepared to enter into the anguish of others! Yet the way of holy obedience leads out from the heart of God and extends through the Valley of the Shadow.”

Right now my heart is being stretched. The Valley of the Shadow is making me more aware of the pain of my community and as outlandish as it may sound; my heart is being taken on a fantastic journey of enlargement.  So what would it mean for you to have the heart of Jesus? What would it be like if you took every opportunity to let your heart be stretched? Who in your area of influence can you share the heart of Jesus with?

Jesus for sale!

This week I had a couple of interviews for some part-time work. In my search to find meaningful employment outside of the church walls I have learned a lot. I can’t believe how many times in the past few months that I have been reminded of the work that God is doing in this world… and how a lot of times the church takes my attention way from it.

Before an interview today I decided to stop at Starbucks and get a coffee. I’m not sure why, but Starbucks immediately turns me into an introvert. I usually put my headphones on and bury my head in a book. I try to eliminate all distractions and focus all of my energy into the imaginary world I create with the help of Sufjan Stevens and C.S. Lewis.  Today I forgot my headphones.  This unfortunate and rare occurrence forced me to gather up enough self-discipline to stay focused without my music induced world. As Arnold would say… I “lack discipline!” (Do your best to read that in a Schwarzenegger-like voice.)

My mind began to wander between the new Counting Crows album playing and the many conversations going on around me. I couldn't help but eavesdrop on a conversation between two men. One man had an extremely odd outfit, green corduroy pants, sandals and a black Under Amour shirt. The other man was dressed in a full suit… and had a confident, solid posture. The businessman was hitting this guy hard with a sales pitch. He was trying to get the oddly dressed man, who happened to own a pet supply store, to carry his new product. It was an all-natural fair-trade pet food made from freshly caught wild salmon among other things. I could tell immediately that the Store Owner was not interested, but this Salesman wasn’t going to take no for an answer… you could tell he thought his sales pitch was infallible, he had an answer for everything. In fact, he asked the Store Owner what brand he did carry and when he responded, the Salesman laughed out loud and began to bash the other competitors. Soon after that the Store Owner got up, and walked out. Then I laughed because the Salesman began to curse like a sailor as he cleaned up his materials.

Seeing this interaction reminded me of something I read once in Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. In the book Miller writes, 

"I was a salesman for a while, and we were taught that you are supposed to point out all the benefits of a product when you are selling it. That is how I felt about some of the preachers I hear speak. They are always pointing out the benefits of Christian faith. That rubbed me wrong. It's not that there aren't benefits, there are, but did they have to talk about spirituality like it's a vacuum cleaner. I never felt like Jesus was a product."

Now don't get me wrong... I love the church. I do,... I believe the church is the bride of Christ and is a beautiful thing. And just like in a marriage, you have moments that aren't pretty, but that doesn't make me love my marriage any less. But I agree with Miller. I have been around enough churches to see that too many times the church can be more concerned with selling it's way of doing things and what it has to offer when compared to church such and such down the road rather then being concerned with the realness of THE Kingdom of God.  It seems like these days we are promoting A Kingdom of God rather than THE Kingdom of God. I honestly believe it's causing more confusion and doing more harm then good. We are becoming close minded salesmen who care more about our selling tactics than the product itself. 

So my question to you is this... are you spending majority of your time and energy into selling Jesus... are your efforts just to keep up with the bigger, trendy church down the road? Maybe its time to refocus. Now is the time to realize this is a cause driven by unity. The life-changing love of Christ sells itself! You can't make it sound any better than it already is. Just live it. 

Are those fighting words???

So, I've been fighting this inner battle as of late... and I can't seem to determine yet who is winning. It's making me more aware of the many crusades that are fought everyday but go unnoticed because the echoes of war are muffled by chest cavities. It shouldn't surprise me how often these battles are fought considering the state of the world and it's desperate need of redemption, but it does. I mean, everybody seems all cool and collected. Tidy and neat. But if you could hear the silent screams of fear and criticism...the shouts ringing inside our heads, out of earshot to rest of the world...then maybe our perceptions would fade. Everybody fights the war of the heart and i'm recently reminded of that.

I've been fighting for confidence. The enemy has hurled arrows of insult at me and my armor is feeling insufficient. I don't know how much more I can take. I have the overwhelming sense that I can't do anything. That no matter how hard I try, I will never measure up to what i'm capable of becuase it's too difficult. It will take too much work... and too much time. I can't fight like this...I have no real weapons. All I have is my heart and in it's bruised and battered state, it's close to surrender. Surrender...surrender? Why would I even consider it? If I surrender... I truly have nothing. And if I have nothing...what will identify me...what will be my worth? Why does this thought all of a sudden feel so irresistibly freeing? Has this fight really been about something else?

It seems that the tables have turned. This inner conflict really isn't about a lack of confidence in myself, it's been about a lack of confidence in God. It's been a battle over control and the enemy really wasn't the evil tyrant I imagined him to be. I'm the tyrant. I'm the control hungry man who wants to have the final say. But life doesn't work that way. You can't claim a faith in God and not be willing to give Him what is rightfully His. And I am rightfully His...you are rightfully His. Oh, and by the way, I'm not talking about Sunday you, or Gave-the-homeless-man-a-dollar you, or Read-The-Purpose-Driven-Life-in-public-as-a-witnessing-tool-you. Giving God little moments like these are easy and take virtually no effort. It's easy to claim God's supremecy in these moments. But what about when you feel like you are literally walking through the hopelessness of hell. What about moments like those? You know what those moments are...those are the moments that really show us how genuine our faith really is. Jesus isn't interested in redeeming moments...Jesus wants to make ALL THINGS new.

When we choose to believe there is no hope, in essence we are telling God that He is not capable of doing His work in the world and that is unaccpetable. Our small dreams are incapable of concieveing the plans the Lord has and in the same token our minds tend to limit God to our own agendas. That is why the thought of surrendering the battle is so freeing. When you take the step to give up control and the need to understand you then start to realize the opposition was actually fighting for you and not against you. Be careful not to misinterpret peace talks for fighting words...it will really save you some avoidable wounds.

To Whom it May Concern,

There's no easy way to say this... so, i'm just going to say it. You have something of mine and I want it back. You took it a few years ago and I acted like I didn't care. In fact, I was so good at acting like I didn't care, that I actually convinced myself that I really didn't care. But the truth is... I did. I am beginning to realize how much the truth hurts. I feel like you robbed me of something that you had no right to take. The thing that kills me is that I just let you take it. I didn't even put up a fight. And now I walk around feeling incomplete. I feel like a ghost going through the motions of everyday life feeling a fraction of what I should be. And instead of seeking out what is rightfully mine... I let you consume my moments. All I can think about is how much you've wronged me... and how you can still smile while you cut me deeper. I carry this...everyday! I struggle with the weight of this every single step. Like a cinderblock is tied to my back, i'm slowed by the bitterness and pain that you've left me with... and you're not worth it. You don't deserve the amount of time I spend thinking about you. So,... I just wanted to let you know... that your reign is over. As difficult as it is for me to say and whether you care or not... I forgive you! Did you hear me???? I said,... I forgive you. And I mean it. I won't carry this weight any longer. The crazy thing is that this has helped me realize that i've always had the power to take back what you've taken. I just didn't put forth the effort. I gave you more strength than you ever had. So, i've taken it back and I will gaurd it and fight for it till my last breath. I found my peace.

Rob