the cost of character...

"A man lays the foundation of true greatness when he becomes more concerned with building his character than with expanding his reputation." - William A. Ward

When I was in 6th grade I did something most 6th graders only dream of. I pulled off an enormous feat. Something so extraordinary that when I look back on it now, I am still astounded at my ability to engineer something so methodical yet so sinister. I was good... and I knew it. 

It was the Christmas season of 1993. It was my brother's turn to open up the present that I had probably spent three dollars on at the school Santa Shop. I knew it wasn't anything special... I only bought gifts for my brothers because I had to. It was a fake gold chain. As my brother opened his present he screamed with excitement. You would have thought I bought him a Super Nintendo. I had no idea such a cheap gift that I spent zero time picking out would cause such a commotion. My brother loved it. Over the next week I became extremely jealous over his love for the necklace. I began to wish I had bought it for myself. 

As a kid I would attend an Awana's program at a local baptist church every Friday night. On one occasion I begged my brother to wear the necklace. I thought for sure I would get the attention that I had known all too well. My notions were confirmed when I showed up that night. I walked around puffed up as kids began to notice my borrowed status symbol. Little did they know that it really wasn't anything special. They had no idea that it was already starting to tarnish and would sometimes leave a bluish-green stain around my neck. Later that night a boy much younger than I approached me with a proposition. He began to tell me that for Christmas his Grandmother had given him not one, but two crisp one hundred dollar bills. I had never even seen a hundred dollar bill before. I doubted their existence so he pulled them out of his pocket and instantly I was awestruck.  It didn't take long to make me a believer. He then told me that he was prepared to give one of the hundred dollar bills to me in exchange for my brothers necklace. Well, I didn't even hesitate... I mean come on, do you know how many cheap necklaces I can buy with one hundred dollars! It was the perfect scandal... and I was rich. I even ended up telling my brother I had lost his necklace and I never had to buy him a new one. Many years later I shared that story with my family. They couldn't believe I did such a horrible thing. It really was awful.  What is even more awful is the way it reflected my fractured character at such a young age. 

I once heard someone say, "Character is what you are when nobody is looking." I remember when having "good character" used to be an important thing to aim for. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it's something less sought after these days. I feel like everyday I hear about people who are willing to whore out their integrity in the search of self-gain. Whatever happened to the desire to do what is right... even when nobody else is watching? Does striving for integrity still exist? Is altruism real? I believe it is... I know it is. I write this to serve as a reminder. All too often I find myself looking back on good intentions that never really surface because I'm too lazy to grapple over what I want and what is right. I forget that righteous character is worth fighting for! 

Are you contributing to the demise of good character? Do you find yourself reluctant to fight for what is virtuous and honorable? Do you willingly hand over your integrity for instant gratification? It's easy to do... we all do it. But if there is ever going to be hope for this world, it requires people who are willing and ready to stand up and do battle with themselves. People who will do the right thing even if nobody notices. It starts with the small things. Is the character of Christ worth fighting for? What will it take... what do you need to do?

a heart like freddie...

I woke up this morning with an intense desire to stay under my warm covers all day. Since when is Pittsburgh, PA supposed to feel like the arctic tundra? It's freaking cold outside! As I got ready for my day I lamented over the amount of time it would take for me to scrape away the many layers of ice on my car. Days like these make me consider investing in one of those remote control starters! Bundled up in all of my warm attire... I waited as my garage door screeched open and the subzero air instantly engulfed my domain. I could hardly take a breath. As I walked toward my car I suddenly realized my predicament wasn't what I thought it would be. In fact, I had no predicament at all because someone had taken the time to scrape the ice off my car for me. I felt so fortunate. I looked around and saw that not only was my car scraped off, but all of my neighbor's cars were shed of their icy enclosures as well! Standing there across the street was my neighbor Freddie. He had spent the morning scraping all of the cars before people left for work. I couldn't believe he would do such a kind thing. 

Later that day I stopped by the house to grab a sandwich before I headed out to another meeting. While pulling into my driveway I realized that someone had shoveled my sidewalk and driveway. As I got out of my car I realized that a number of my other neighbors driveways and sidewalks were shoveled as well. The sight of this caught me off-guard because many of my neighbors are gone all day at work. I glanced across the street and there was Freddie... red faced and sweaty. Freddie spent the morning shoveling and salting the neighborhood. Who does that? Apparently Freddie...! I showered him with thanks and appreciation. That kind of service really meant a lot to me. 

After a long day, I was anxious to come home and eat some dinner with my wonderful wife. In the middle of dinner I got a phone call... it was Freddie. He told me to come to the front door, so I did. There Freddie stood with a plate of freshly made pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing. It was incredible... like manna from heaven!

Ok... let me just say this.... I think Freddie loves Jesus more than I do! Seriously... this man blows my mind. To have a heart like that... to bless people... to make an impact... to serve. It's just not natural. This attitude is a God-given gift and I don't even think Freddie knows it. Freddie is showing me the love of Jesus... and I want him to know it. I had a conversation with Freddie a few months ago about God and the church. He told me he would never step foot in a church again. Many years ago he worshipped weekly at a church with his family. He worked multiple jobs to meet his families needs and did everything he could to provide. Freddie found himself struggling to make ends meet... but was too proud to ask for help. A preacher at his church approached Freddie one Sunday to ask him to up his giving to help support the church budget. Freddie explained his current financial situation to the preacher and expressed his remorse for not being able to give more. The preacher responded with this... "I believe God wants me to tell you to take another job so that you can give more money to the church." Freddie left and never returned. 

Freddie loves Jesus but hates the church. Unfortunately,... I can't blame him. I wished a quarter of all church goers were like Freddie. It would make a huge impact on this world. I want a heart like Freddie... because Freddie has a heart like Jesus. I hope you have a Freddie in your life!

long time, no see...

My life has been chaotic for the past few months. Hence why I haven't written anything on here in a while. With everything that goes along with planting a church, working part-time with The Pittsburgh Kids Foundation and attempting to be a good husband... extra minutes in a day are few and far between. The past few months have forced me to appreciate the short silent moments I randomly discover throughout the day. I value them. I wished I had more of them. 

I have seen and experienced a lot over the last few months, but the one thing that has been on my radar lately is the unfailing, faithful work of God through His followers. It's amazing to me how God chooses to do His work through us. It's not like He has any obligation to. He doesn't owe us to partner with Him. It's not like we struck some kind of deal with God that if we "give" our hearts to Him, He will work through us. It's just something He does... He does it all the time. Over the last few months I have seen normal everyday people do extraordinary things, not by their own power, but through the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through them. 

I spoke with someone who was haunted by mistakes of the past... and when we spoke, it was like God was revealing to them the unbelievable power that He has over the lies of the Accuser. I didn't do or say anything special... neither did the person I was talking to. But God still displayed the weight of His authority. It was a "lightbulb" moment for both of us. We saw the face of God in a conversation of pain and regret... and hope was born. Why does He do that? How does He do that? I'm so glad I don't know. I like not having the capability of understanding the enormity of God or the reason for His work. The experience is all I need. 

God displays Himself like this all of the time through people. That's church for me! Church is when I see the work of God through people. We are incapable of doing anything good with out the work of God in us. All that you do is not a result of who you are... it's about who is working through you. That gives me a whole new appreciation for my mission in this world. I don't want people to see me. Because if they see me... they will see a distraction. I want you to see God... through me, not because of what I do, but because of what He is doing in and through me. 

May your life be about His reflection. May your work be about the privilege of having the Creator working through you. May your conversations be the very words of God exhaling from your soul... and may your heart be that of His. 

my walk of shame....

"The Love of God is Absolute"

-Billy Graham

I was reminded again this week of how much I love my small group. It's no wonder that the early church exploded overnight. If it was anything like my small group I can understand why everyday people were divinely inspired to do amazing things for the glory of God. This past week we were discussing how difficult it is to actually live out our faith. We found that many of us tiptoe on the tightrope of casual Christianity because of either fear, lack of confidence, or laziness. It's so easy to write off these deficiencies as actually waiting for the right moment. I mean think about it... how many times have you not chosen to speak up about something that you know is wrong because you're afraid you will be viewed as "that guy". Or how about this one... you would rather just not address that issue because it would just take too much time... and you are sure that God has someone else better equipped to deal with that person. I find myself arguing with that voice in the back of my head on a daily basis... and I think he's getting tired of the excuses. 

I was reading some old notes this afternoon and I came across this quote from Billy Graham. It kind of hit me right between the eyes. It's such a simple statement. The love of God is absolute. I find that statement to be so simple and true in it's very nature but my blurred reality seems to redefine it. I sing it's validity everyday but my casual stroll through life doesn't match the tune. 

As a follower of Jesus I am supposed to see the world with the eyes of the Savior but I don't. I am blinded by my own desires and lack of effort. There are people that I come in contact with that drive me crazy. There are people who desire my attention and I let myself get distracted by the next person in line. There are people I avoid because I don't want them to "bring me down". I choose my own comforts and cravings nine times out of ten and I'm getting tired of the lip service. 

I have been challenged recently to focus more on loving with the absolute love of God. Loving others regardless of their labels and regardless of my benefit. Everyday people are given the opportunity to chose Heaven or Hell... and I'm tired of letting Hell be an option. I want to create more opportunities for redemption... whatever that looks like. Maybe it's complementing that coworker who makes my blood boil or maybe it's taking the time to notice and listen to that person without looking for what's in it for me. All I know is this world needs more glimpses of Heaven and I can't wait around for other people to create them. It's our job as believers to reclaim this world. So what does that mean for you? How are you going to create more opportunities for people to choose Heaven? 

a love like this...

When I was seventeen... a dream that I had treasured for what seemed to be a lifetime finally came into fruition. I owned my very own car. It was mine. I didn't have to borrow my Mom's teal Dodge Neon anymore. I had my own car... and I didn't have to share it with anyone. I still remember the day I got it. My Grandfather called my Dad and told him that he was willing to give me his other car. My Dad gave me the "you need to be responsible and this is a privilege" talk.  Then we went to pick the car up at my Grandparents house. It was a 1986 Pontiac Sunbird. It was beautiful. The car was in great shape for it's age and still had a bit of a shine to it. It was the color of a worn penny, but to me it might as well been the color of a million dollars. 

That day that I picked up my car I began to make it mine. I bought a new radio and cow-skin seat covers that were hastily installed in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart I shopped at. I then grappled over picking a name for my new treasure. I chose the name Abe. A perfect fit. 

Now, in case you were unaware... for a senior in high school, owning your own car meant much more than just the convenience of not having to borrow your Mom's teal mobile. It took me to a whole new level. I actually skyrocketed into a whole new social scene that day. I had my own car. This meant I could actually take advantage of parking in the senior class parking lot. I could be seen by my peers every morning on my long walk of popularity from my parking space to the school. I'll never forget the anticipation I felt the day I got to broadcast my new status. It was like I was getting ready to walk the red carpet. I made sure that I picked the perfect outfit to impress my classmates and I did everything in my power to have a noticeably exceptional hair day. The setting was flawless. My moment had come... and I was ready to soak it in. 

Then my storybook dream fell apart. On my way to school that morning I was driving behind a school bus packed full of students who didn't have a car. I was following the bus marveling over the fact that I was no longer one of them. Then, without warning... the bus made a sudden stop and I smashed right into the back of it. I had my car for a week... a week! As you could imagine my biggest fear was reporting my unfortunate event to my Dad. I had scenes of intense torture and cruel punishment running through my head. I'll never forget dialing his phone number after the accident. It was like my world was crawling in super slow motion. Each number as I dialed it sounded like a drawn out wail. When my Dad picked up, I peed my pants... or at least it felt that humiliating. I told him everything that had happened and winced as I waited to hear how my life would end. Then he said something that I never expected. My Dad asked if I was okay, he told me everything would be alright, that he would take care of it and that he loved me. Do you know that feeling? That feeling like your on the edge of losing everything and then unexpectedly your world gets flipped upside down? It's a great feeling... a feeling I need to be reminded of more often.

I was reminded of that feeling today. How often have you fully digested the intensity of God's unfailing love? Think about it. God's love is incredibly simple yet unbelievably complex and unimaginable. It doesn't make sense. It's the exact opposite of what you would expect. How often do you shuffle into the presence of God expecting humiliation and disappointment and discover a safe-house of approval and hope. The love of God can't be explained by our insufficient vocabulary, but it's real and it's true and it's unlike anything that we could ever expect. When was the last time you took a moment to sit and feel the power of God's love for you? How would your day be different if you could sense the reality of God's unfailing love for you? A love like this can't be understood... and I can't get enough of it.

i'm a scholar!

When I was a freshman in college... I was just like every freshman in college. I knew everything... and I mean everything. In fact, if you and I were in an argument about whether or not Aaron Neville was the most incredible musician since the creation of microphones... and you found a way to prove me wrong using flannel graph, the pythagorean theorem, and a rhombus... I would still deny your accuracy. I was a college student. I had taken the giant leap from the lowly depths of high school and made it to the big time. I was a scholar. 

That school year I was interning at a church. So, not only was I a know-it-all student... I was a know-it-all Christian student. That's like the cream of the knowledge crop. Not only did I know everything about life, I knew everything about the afterlife as well. I was a theologian and a scholar. 

My super expertise was challenged on many occasions that year but one incident stuck out to me more than any other. Jerry, my mentor and Youth Pastor at the time, and I were hanging out with a student. This student was passionate about hockey. He lived and breathed hockey. So, when we would hang out it was always the topic of conversation. Well, this conversation was no different,... we were talking about the different hockey moves you could use in a shoot-out. We were debating about the accuracy of a back-hand shot, and how you know whether or not to go to the glove or blocker side and of course if the Mighty Ducks favorite, the "Triple Dique," was even worth considering. During the entire conversation... Jerry would listen and say "what's that" or "what does that mean?" Over and over again like a toddler on his way to an amusement park,  Jerry would ask question after question. It got annoying. After the student had left I tore into Jerry and hurled abuses at him for not knowing one thing about hockey. I couldn't believe his ignorance. Jerry just sat there and just laughed at me shaking his head. Needless to say... I didn't get the joke. 

That night Jerry taught me something that I will never forget.  See, Jerry explained to me that he knew the answer to every question he asked about hockey... but he played dumb. Jerry played dumb because when someone is passionate about something and know a lot about it... they love to share and teach others about what they love. Teaching yields power. 

This is a nugget of wisdom that I have held onto for years now. You wouldn't believe the things it has done for my relationships with people. Most people are taught to always be aware of teachable moments... but I think we often forget that we need to be the ones being taught... not for the sake of learning but for the sake of helping others experience the gift of teaching. Nobody likes people who know everything. Those relationships are boring and short lived. If you have ever experienced the great joy involved in teaching someone, then you should understand the importance of sharing that experience with others around you. It may bruise your ego at first... but you'll live. If you want the right to be heard... you have to be willing to earn it. How do you expect others around you to listen and care about what you have to say if you don't take the time to return the favor? Who can you listen to today? 

The Heart of Jesus

Have you ever hurt for someone?  Have you ever literally felt pain that was inflicted on others? Do you know what it is like to endure the repeated stab of torment imposed on someone other than your self? Whether it's the discomfort of feeling out of place or the agony of going through life feeling distress and sorrow or just feeling incomplete, the fact still remains that we all feel pain. No matter to what degree... we all feel pain. It's a 100% guarantee that anyone who has ever had the pleasure of knowing what it is to feel alive... at some point in his or her life, will know the sting of pain. 

 I recently started a new chapter in my already lengthy book of life. I feel like my life journey so far would make Rand Mcnally proud. I can't imagine the detours that are sure to eventually come, but nonetheless it’s my expedition… it’s my life. The new chapter comes as a result of my new career path… if you want to call it that. Truthfully, I wanted to have a transitory new experience outside of the comfort and protection of the church. I wanted to redefine my shallow view of “ministry.” It hasn’t taken long. This experience has already convinced me that the trenches were bigger than I thought.

I am now working with kids who have endured more pain and hurt than any horror film could ever depict. If it were possible to hear a heart break it would surely drown out the reverberation of my insignificant words. I hurt for these kids. The weight of their experience chokes what innocence they have left inside. I believe this new employment has given me new insight into the heart of Jesus. Jesus had to have had the trying capacity to experience the pain of those around him. Jesus wept for the ache of his community and like the foundation of a building He sustained the burden of life.

In his book A Testament Of Devotion, Thomas Kelly wrote:

“The heart is stretched through suffering, and enlarged. But O the agony of this enlarging of the heart, that one may be prepared to enter into the anguish of others! Yet the way of holy obedience leads out from the heart of God and extends through the Valley of the Shadow.”

Right now my heart is being stretched. The Valley of the Shadow is making me more aware of the pain of my community and as outlandish as it may sound; my heart is being taken on a fantastic journey of enlargement.  So what would it mean for you to have the heart of Jesus? What would it be like if you took every opportunity to let your heart be stretched? Who in your area of influence can you share the heart of Jesus with?

Jesus for sale!

This week I had a couple of interviews for some part-time work. In my search to find meaningful employment outside of the church walls I have learned a lot. I can’t believe how many times in the past few months that I have been reminded of the work that God is doing in this world… and how a lot of times the church takes my attention way from it.

Before an interview today I decided to stop at Starbucks and get a coffee. I’m not sure why, but Starbucks immediately turns me into an introvert. I usually put my headphones on and bury my head in a book. I try to eliminate all distractions and focus all of my energy into the imaginary world I create with the help of Sufjan Stevens and C.S. Lewis.  Today I forgot my headphones.  This unfortunate and rare occurrence forced me to gather up enough self-discipline to stay focused without my music induced world. As Arnold would say… I “lack discipline!” (Do your best to read that in a Schwarzenegger-like voice.)

My mind began to wander between the new Counting Crows album playing and the many conversations going on around me. I couldn't help but eavesdrop on a conversation between two men. One man had an extremely odd outfit, green corduroy pants, sandals and a black Under Amour shirt. The other man was dressed in a full suit… and had a confident, solid posture. The businessman was hitting this guy hard with a sales pitch. He was trying to get the oddly dressed man, who happened to own a pet supply store, to carry his new product. It was an all-natural fair-trade pet food made from freshly caught wild salmon among other things. I could tell immediately that the Store Owner was not interested, but this Salesman wasn’t going to take no for an answer… you could tell he thought his sales pitch was infallible, he had an answer for everything. In fact, he asked the Store Owner what brand he did carry and when he responded, the Salesman laughed out loud and began to bash the other competitors. Soon after that the Store Owner got up, and walked out. Then I laughed because the Salesman began to curse like a sailor as he cleaned up his materials.

Seeing this interaction reminded me of something I read once in Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. In the book Miller writes, 

"I was a salesman for a while, and we were taught that you are supposed to point out all the benefits of a product when you are selling it. That is how I felt about some of the preachers I hear speak. They are always pointing out the benefits of Christian faith. That rubbed me wrong. It's not that there aren't benefits, there are, but did they have to talk about spirituality like it's a vacuum cleaner. I never felt like Jesus was a product."

Now don't get me wrong... I love the church. I do,... I believe the church is the bride of Christ and is a beautiful thing. And just like in a marriage, you have moments that aren't pretty, but that doesn't make me love my marriage any less. But I agree with Miller. I have been around enough churches to see that too many times the church can be more concerned with selling it's way of doing things and what it has to offer when compared to church such and such down the road rather then being concerned with the realness of THE Kingdom of God.  It seems like these days we are promoting A Kingdom of God rather than THE Kingdom of God. I honestly believe it's causing more confusion and doing more harm then good. We are becoming close minded salesmen who care more about our selling tactics than the product itself. 

So my question to you is this... are you spending majority of your time and energy into selling Jesus... are your efforts just to keep up with the bigger, trendy church down the road? Maybe its time to refocus. Now is the time to realize this is a cause driven by unity. The life-changing love of Christ sells itself! You can't make it sound any better than it already is. Just live it. 

strengthening your senses

It's funny how at different times in your life,... some things just stand out. Some things are just easier to notice. It almost comes natural and there's no real way to explain why. Recently I have begin to notice the amount of emotion behind the human eyes. I have no idea why this all of a sudden has become something that triggers an alarm on my instinctual radar, but it's been happening more and more. It's amazing to me to see how much emotion can be expressed with a stabbing glare.

Just last week I was helping a friend of mine watch his kids and it astounded me how his little girl could relay loads of emotional information with just one uncomfortable glance. It was clear that this girl did not trust me and knew I wasn't her father. It was clear because I saw it in her eyes. This baby can't even talk yet but she said plenty with the look on her eyes.

A few days ago I went and spoke to a large group of students at a church. It was a blast. They were having a huge event that would last all night with great activities for students like ice skating, and a riverboat cruise. They had me come in and give a message about the saving grace of Jesus. I talked about how the world is messed up because we as humans are messed up. We choose to live a life of sin because it's easier than living the way we are meant to live. Then I began talking about the lies Satan whispers in our inner ear about how we will never be good enough, we won't measure up, there's no hope, and there's no point in trying to change. It was a message that I love to share because it's one that I wrestle with all of the time. Even after I spoke I began to hear Satan whisper in my ear, "you blew it, nobody was listening, that was a waste of your time, God's can't use you." He knows exactly what to say to cut you down and make you think you are incapable of anything good. Then I saw something that silenced the screams in my inner ear. I felt like all of a sudden I was under water or that I had lost my hearing and had to rely on strengthening my other senses to notice what would come next. Everything else went silent and I could hear this girl's eyes. It's like they were screaming for rescue. She walked up to me and she didn't have to say a word. I already knew.

Her eyes... seared that moment in my memory and I hope that it remains a scar. I never want to forget what her eyes shared with me. It seemed as if it was God himself telling me and the voices in my inner ear, "never underestimate me or what I'm capable of. I am bigger than you could ever possibly understand and nothing can stop my ferocious love." God speaks through anything and everything. The truths of our Savior are saturated in our everyday lives. God is trying to tell you something and sooner or later you are going to hear it in ways you couldn't imagine. Listen with your whole being and you will hear the message.

To Whom it May Concern,

There's no easy way to say this... so, i'm just going to say it. You have something of mine and I want it back. You took it a few years ago and I acted like I didn't care. In fact, I was so good at acting like I didn't care, that I actually convinced myself that I really didn't care. But the truth is... I did. I am beginning to realize how much the truth hurts. I feel like you robbed me of something that you had no right to take. The thing that kills me is that I just let you take it. I didn't even put up a fight. And now I walk around feeling incomplete. I feel like a ghost going through the motions of everyday life feeling a fraction of what I should be. And instead of seeking out what is rightfully mine... I let you consume my moments. All I can think about is how much you've wronged me... and how you can still smile while you cut me deeper. I carry this...everyday! I struggle with the weight of this every single step. Like a cinderblock is tied to my back, i'm slowed by the bitterness and pain that you've left me with... and you're not worth it. You don't deserve the amount of time I spend thinking about you. So,... I just wanted to let you know... that your reign is over. As difficult as it is for me to say and whether you care or not... I forgive you! Did you hear me???? I said,... I forgive you. And I mean it. I won't carry this weight any longer. The crazy thing is that this has helped me realize that i've always had the power to take back what you've taken. I just didn't put forth the effort. I gave you more strength than you ever had. So, i've taken it back and I will gaurd it and fight for it till my last breath. I found my peace.

Rob